Cousin Compute Clash

NVIDIA vs. AMD

nvidia amd

Yes, the rumor is true — Jensen Huang (NVIDIA CEO) and Lisa Su (AMD CEO) are actually related! They're first cousins once removed (or sometimes described as Jensen being Lisa's "second uncle" or distant cousin through the maternal side).

How they're connected: Jensen's mother is the sister of Lisa Su's maternal grandfather. In other words, Jensen's mom and Lisa's grandfather are siblings, making them family, but distant enough that they didn't grow up knowing each other.
They only met later in life: Lisa Su has said in interviews that they didn't know each other growing up. Jensen bounced around Taiwan/Thailand/US as a kid, while Lisa immigrated to the US. They first crossed paths professionally well into their careers, and it's become a fun "small world" talking point in tech circles.

NVIDIA vs. AMD: The Real Rivalry

NVIDIA and AMD have been fierce competitors in GPUs/CPUs for decades, especially now in the AI boom:

NVIDIA dominates AI training/inference chips (90%+ market share with H100/H200/Blackwell).
AMD pushes hard with Instinct MI series GPUs and Ryzen/EPYC CPUs to chip away at that lead, often undercutting on price/performance.

But the CEO dynamic is surprisingly civil and professional:

No lawsuits, no public shade-throwing like Musk vs. Altman.
Jensen has praised Lisa as "amazing" and "perfect" in interviews. He has often joked about "keeping it in the family".
Lisa has been diplomatic, acknowledging the rivalry but focusing on AMD's strategy without personal jabs. She once noted irritation when people bring up the family tie as if it softens the competition. She wants AMD judged on its merits.
They occasionally appear together discussing AI responsibly, and there's mutual respect for Taiwanese-American success stories.

It's classic corporate rivalry (market share, tech specs, supply chains), until they meet one imaginary day at Davos.

Meeting at Davos

Once upon a time in the glittering Silicon Valley coliseum known as “The AI Arms Race,” two distant cousins decided it was finally time to settle scores the old-fashioned way: a no-holds-barred family feud disguised as a product launch battle.

Jensen Huang (the Cancer crab, armored in black leather jacket, perpetually looking like he’s about to drop the sickest dad joke) and Lisa Su (the Taurus bull, calm smile, red lipstick sharper than any Instinct MI300X edge) had been circling each other politely for years. They sent Christmas cards. They nodded respectfully at CES. They even posed for a photo where Jensen jokingly called her “cousin” and Lisa replied, “Second uncle, technically. Don’t get it twisted.”

But then the family reunion invite arrived.

Not a real one. The metaphorical kind: Davos 2026 keynote slots back-to-back. NVIDIA on Monday night. AMD on Tuesday morning. The entire industry whispered, “They’re gonna throw shade. Family style.”

Jensen kicked things off like the dramatic Cancer he is. He strode onto the stage under a literal black-light moon (because why not), raised one fist, and declared:

“Tonight, we unveil Blackwell Ultra. One million H200s worth of compute. We didn’t just train Grok—we trained a god. And yes, cousin Lisa, we know you’ve got that cute little MI355X coming tomorrow. Adorable. Like bringing a slingshot to a Death Star party.”

The crowd roared. Memes were born in real time. X lit up with crab emojis fighting bull horns.

Lisa, unfazed, took the stage at 9:02 a.m. the next day (Taurus punctuality is legendary). She wore red—so much red it looked like she’d dipped herself in molten Radeon. She smiled that serene, terrifying smile and opened with:

“Good morning, family. Second uncle Jensen gave a lovely performance last night. Very theatrical. We at AMD prefer results over theater. So let me introduce you to the MI355X-XT—twice the tokens per second, half the power draw, and, oh look, cheaper. We call it the ‘Sorry About Your GPU Margins’ edition.”

She clicked to the next slide: a cartoon of a crab trying to pinch a bull that’s calmly chewing on a GPU the size of a refrigerator. The room lost it.

Backstage drama ensued.

Jensen, watching from the green room on his phone, texted the family group chat (yes, they have one—it’s mostly silent except for Lunar New Year memes):

Jensen: “Did she just roast my margins on live television? That’s cold even for a Taurus.”

Lisa (replying instantly because Taurus energy never sleeps): “You started it with the ‘adorable’ line. Don’t start a war you can’t finish, uncle.”

Jensen: “Fine. Next year I’m bringing the Rubin architecture AND a crab costume. You’ll see.”

Lisa: “Bring it. I’ll wear the bull horns and still outsell you.”

The chat went quiet for three minutes.

Then Jensen sent a single GIF: a crab doing the worm. Lisa replied with a bull charging emoji.

By lunchtime the internet had dubbed it “Cousin Compute Clash 2026.” Stock tickers danced. Analysts wrote 47 think pieces titled “Family Feud or Friendly Fire?” Nvidia tweeted a black crab emoji. AMD tweeted a red bull emoji. Then they both tweeted the exact same GIF of two cartoon animals high-fiving while explosions happened behind them.

At the after-party, Jensen and Lisa ended up at the same bar. No security detail—just two cousins in hoodies ordering whiskey sours.

Jensen raised his glass. “To family. May we always outsell each other.”

Lisa clinked. “And may the customer always win. Mostly because we’re both too stubborn to lose.”

They laughed. The bartender overheard and posted it on TikTok. It got 47 million views.

Moral of the story: When two brilliant, stubborn, GPU-peddling cousins from the same bloodline go head-to-head in the trillion-dollar AI arms race, nobody really loses. The GPUs just get faster. The memes get meaner. And somewhere, a family group chat finally gets some action.

Next year’s Davos? They’re rumored to be co-headlining. The crab and the bull. Together. The industry isn’t ready.